36

When I was little, I used to move houses a lot.

And every time we would move,

on that last morning,

after everything was packed,

in my room that had been my shelter for however many years,

I would sit in the middle of the room and tell it goodbye. 

I'd walk along each wall, run my fingers along the plaster, the holes where my things had hung, and think about all the big life things that happened while I lived there.

This happened quite a few times as I grew up, and I couldn't be more grateful for the detached spirit all those moves gave me.

Sometimes the detachment is a curse.

But in this case, I am eager to sit in that little room in Gulu, Uganda, and begin a new conversation, one that I never in a million years thought I'd be having.

There are 36 days left till I hop on that plane to Gulu! Feeling a mix of thrill, but then moments of reality hit. I am increasingly experiencing a loss for words. I guess I don't have much to say these days, just soaking in everything I can.

I didn't even realize this, but five years ago, I was told about the war in Uganda, about Kony, and the thousands of child soldiers in Uganda.

Five years ago, the Zion Project was formed.

He knew what He was doing. All along, I had no foresight for what He was creating in my heart, and in Uganda, and how one day, in 2011, we'd finally get to meet for good.

I will be talking about Zion Project and my story next Thursday, December 8th, and I'd love for you to come! Just leave a comment on this post for more details, and I'll take it from there.

Just a little Wednesday evening happy for ya'...



Love,
Chloe

\ˈthaŋk-fəl\

thank.ful adj. \ˈthaŋk-fəl\: conscious of benefit received, grateful

All good and lovely things come from the God who made them. I am grateful for the feel of raw coffee beans and the smell of wild mint, but ultimately, it's not these things that I receive benefit from. If it weren't for God deciding to put nostrils on my face, to think of my senses, the capacity to take in my environment and walk among the kingdom of God, I wouldn't know what thankfulness was.

He has designed us intricately, humorously, beautifully, to walk in peace with Him, not in a power struggle. We weren't made to fight for authority, but instead for utter dependence and submission, that His design and plans are better and ultimately worthwhile. The future I could come up with for myself, as enjoyable as it would be, would not be ultimately gratifying. I want the adventure of following Christ, the freedom in following Christ, the fullness of breath in following Christ, that it is just not up to me.


We weren't designed to bear the responsibility of the world, of mankind, of sadness, and injustice. That's why we lean into our Creator. That's why He subjected Himself to all evil, perversion, and sadness, so that in our darkest of days, we can know God and be known by Him. It's what He intended. For us to walk through the lush orchards and dewy meadows, holding His hand, laughing, talking about the stars, starfish, and the intoxicating smell of the ocean mist. To never shed a tear, to have no remorse, no wishful thinking, because all our desires are satisfied, right there, in holding His hand.

I look to you, heaven-dwelling God, look up to you for help. 

   Like servants, alert to their master's commands, 

      like a maiden attending her lady, 

   We're watching and waiting, holding our breath, 

      awaiting your word of mercy. 

   Mercy, God, mercy! 

Psalm 123:2

I'm thankful to be sitting in my nest, with my Santiago Huckleberry Voluspa candle, listening to Ellie Holcomb, taking in the smells of baking turkey, yams, and onions, for the warm water as it spills over my head, for the smell of my niece's head, for my sister that makes me laugh, for my Mom that never fails to make me feel valued and special, for my Dad's wisdom and tenderness, for cuddles with dachshund Penny, and for a full, forgiven heart. 

Love, Chloe

The Winds of Change Are Blowin' Wild and Free

You know you're moving to Africa when...

Excuse me, do you have 100% cotton dresses that cover my knees? 

Oh! In rainbow colors? Great. 

Don't be jealous. It might be the most comfortable article of clothing I've ever worn.

 

 

Actual conversation:

Um, yes, hi, do you have shoes I can stomp in mud with, then spray down with water? Will they feel squishy inside? 

My latest Amazon order (and a missions must): "Where There is No Doctor" a.k.a. how to deliver a baby, empty a cyst, stitch up wounds in easy-to-understand pictures.

Check out this gem. If Babe bites you, call me.

Love, Chloe
p.s. I'm selling my clothes. Looking for Christmas presents?

Thankful

My sweet friend Alexis, my big sister Joneel, and their friends hosted a big garage sale to raise money for my upcoming trip! I am so thankful, humbled, and love the women I am surrounded by. 

I am spending as much time with this little one as I possibly can! Next time I see her she'll be all grown up!

Thank you to everyone who donated to the sale! I even managed to snag a Baby Bjorn carrier for Emmy, so I can strap him on and go.

We made just under $600! God is providing in miraculous ways, for every need. This will pay for my life supplies, soap, shampoo, toothpaste, bandaids, face wash, etc. Target, here I come!

From the ends of the earth I call to you, 

   I call as my heart grows faint; 

   lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

For you have been my refuge, 

   a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever 

   and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

Psalm 61:2-4

Love, Chloe

Inspiration Board

"Either we are adrift in chaos or we are individuals, created, loved, upheld and placed purposefully, exactly where we are. Can you believe that? Can you trust God for that?" 
-Elisabeth Elliot

 

Always Enough.

I've spent way too much time in this coffee shop, having way to much fun making power points, listening to way too much Bon Iver. It's finally chilly outside. School is close to impossible. I saw a rare species of rock squirrel in my yard this afternoon. I'm also addicted to Lost. (Someone intervene?) 

I started going through my closet and drawers today, separating what clothes I'll need and which ones I won't. Will I wear this Chi O shirt in 2 years? Probably not. It's sobering, looking at an empty closet. I think today was the first day it really set in that my departure is real. It felt like a dream for the longest time, like I was going to an amusement park or on a cruise. 

You hear those stories about missionaries finding checks in their flower beds, or a mysterious man walking up and handing them enough money for their flight. I always laughed at those stories, because they only happen to THOSE people. The missionary people. Then I became one of those this week.

God is intervening in really huge, strange ways. 

I was in tears on Monday over fundraising, as if God wasn't going to show up, as if He'd fall through. Then my dad found an unexpected check in his P.O. box. Always enough.

Just enough for my flight, visa, and insurance.

Then a sweet friend handed me an I.O.U. 

Just enough for clothes.

I don't allow Him to show up very often. We leave very little room for God to intervene because we're never in need. It's a tragedy, because His rule and riches are immense. I tasted that this week. I could almost hear Him whisper, "Have I ever fallen through?"

If you have something pressing on your heart, and if it is in step with the Lord's desires, He will provide. The stamina. The endurance. The courage. The money. The clothes. The shelter. Friends. All of it. And even if you are in need, hungry, He doesn't allow us to be pressed and crushed beyond what we can handle. He is always enough. And THAT is something I can count on.

We're less than 2 months away now, and I can hardly believe it. I've bit off more than I can chew, and it leaves me no choice other than to allow Him to get me there.

“The will of God is always a bigger thing than we bargain for, but we must believe that whatever it involves, it is good, acceptable and perfect.” 

-Jim Elliot

Here's to checks in flower beds!

Love, Chloe

p.s. Mark your social calendars on December 8th. There may or may not be a party to be had.

Emmy, God with us.

A note from Zion Project's Director, Sarita...

Well Friends, after 60 + hours of labor, Nancy gave birth 3 weeks early to a 5.9 lb baby boy she named Emmanuel, "God with us," at 6:50am in Lachor hospital in Gulu, Uganda.

And God certainly was with us. It was a very difficult and long labor, and challenging delivery, but Nancy did an amazing job. I am so proud of her. She is just a baby herself, but today she was as brave as a woman. 

Just one testimony:

At one point we had to go out to let the doctors examine her and Nancy was just praying out loud to herself. When they asked her what she was doing, she said, "I'm praying for Jesus to help me." Then she said she felt the holy spirit descend on her and she was able to push. After she delivered, she smiled with those gorgeous dimples for the first time, and I felt like I had my baby girl back. 

It was one of the most difficult days of my life, to see her in pain, and to deal with the less than qualified medical facilities. It was only me, Mama Joy, an inexperienced nurse, and the holy spirit, in the delivery room.  There were a couple of times, I was scared we were going to lose her, as she was losing a lot of blood. But God saw her through. And I got to help her push this precious one into the world. 

I think of where Nancy and Emmy would be if God had not brought her into our lives. And I think of the miracle that God used such a tragedy in Nancy's life to create such beauty. God is always good.

I also don't know what I would have done without Mama Joy. She was my rock. 

Both mama and baby are resting peacefully now. And Nancy has requested chicken. Which I have happily conceded to.

I look forward to taking care of sweet Emmy for the next few weeks until the adoptive mom can get here.

Please pray for a smooth transition for Nancy and baby.

Thank you to all of you who stood with us in prayer. We felt your love. 

With love,

Sarita

You can sponsor a little darling like Nancy through Zion Project for $35 a month!

http://www.zionproject.org/donate.html

The Nitty Gritty

Only 65 days till I get to step into these shoes with this lovely lady, and

this is how I feel about it.